Ending the Myth that poor people lead sad lives

Ten years ago when I started blogging I realized that as a poor woman I was supposed to be an object of pity and that everyday of my life was supposed to be hell. I was shocked because NONE of the Poor women I knew lived that life. I looked at the pictures that media used for poor people, both black and white, are dirty with sad faces. People were stunned I wasn't sad and depressed. I don't have money but I have a full life. I don't know anyone born into poverty and even some who ended up impoverished live horrible lives.

Poor people work very hard, we complain about taxes (yes it hurts our pockets when they deduct payroll taxes. We do not want rich people's money we just want our taxes to go to Medicaid and Food Stamps instead of to Corporations or tax cuts. That makes us no different than the middle class and wealthy, looking out for our own interests. We are not fans of poor people who play the system and refuse to work living on the dole. We are more effective with getting them off welfare because we are their peers and shame from us is felt. Most of us raise our children to be moral and most of us care about our Children's education. We over indulge our kids at Christmas and vote. We enjoy our friends and we do not judge people by their race or income level. We don't judge people on Political Parties most of the time we stay out of that area. We make friends based on their character not things like race, income level, or Political parties. This enabled me to become friends with Jen, Carol, and Kim middle class Republican women and also Rosemary, Jess, and Amy middle class Democrats. All of these women enriched my lives. We are able to elect an Upper Class White Man as mayor based solely on who he is as a person.

Our lives are affected by poverty but it doesn't take over we take the hits and get on with our lives. We face Homelessness and overcome it without becoming sad. It's stressful but just one more obsticle to overcome. We may battle hunger and may require assistance but we get over it. We know that all we need to do is sound off the alarm to other poor people because the truth is no one helps the poor like other poor people. I once had to tell a middle class friend not to tell poor people she had no food in the house when she really meant she needed to go grocery shopping. She ended up having several bags of food and was embarrassed. I told her to keep the food and give it back to them when they needed it.

I'm usually a very positive person as is most of my friends. We sit in our kitchens or back yards and talk about our lives, jobs, kids, and men. We laugh and cry on each others shoulders. I may not have money but I have been blessed with a lot of good friends. I wouldn't change that either despite my struggles.

The next time you hear about poor people living horrible lives spend time with them and your discover we lack money not full lives full of happiness, sadness, struggle, good times, tradagy and love.

Sometimes the its not the Numbers its the Question.

Today my friend Carol and I were talking about the numbers of births outside of marriage and the high black numbers. People read those numbers and think our babies are all born to single parent households. That is not true. The majority of homes are actually One Man one woman and children. They are not married but they have been in a long term relationship of 10 or more years. The children in this sort of family are in two family homes. They should not be included in data relating to single parent homes. So why are they included? The person asking the questions for the data asked just one question "Are you married?" They did not follow up with "Are you living with the child's father?" This failure to address this question in my eyes adds more to the numbers. I'm calling this as I see it racist. Not only does this remove numbers from the black folks but also White, Hispanic, Asian, and mixed Race groups as well.

 Just like it's a lie when they assume that most of these children have no fathers. Again no one asks the women "are you still with your child's father? If the answer is yes than its the same as the above senero. If the answer is NO the follow-up question should be " is the father present in the Child's life? Most of the time the answer is yes. They should also be removed from this list because you can't be a single parent if the parent is involved.

My son and grandson

Marriage is a Religious ceromony. Not everyone believes in God and so the only question they ask should be removed.  There are a lot of reasons why people do not marry. The number 1 reason is that marriage is new in the hood has declined since the 70s, so we are talking two or three generations back.  Marriage is no longer a point of reference. This is changing and will continue to rise.

These numbers are used against the hood by everyone from Conservatives to justify blaming the Liberals for all the problems in the hood. It's also used to justify hate. The White Nationalists use it to prove that blacks lack the moral fiber of whites. They ignore the fact that the numbers of poor whites are on par with blacks and Hispanics for the same reasons the parents are not married. Whites have larger numbers and are grouped together when you remove middle and Upper class whites you have higher numbers. It's the same for black folks remove the upper and middle class black people and the numbers go down a lot. So what in fact is a poor issue has become a race issue.

This being said, Hood our numbers are still to high. We as a Community need to come to grips with this issue. Young men and women need to start getting married if they love each other.

Sometimes you just need to ask follow up questions if not than you are serving a Racist system.

How the hood deals with murder and what America can learn from us during a mass shooting.

Last Sunday was the Mass shooting in Las Vegas.  My 7 year old granddaughter asked me why the people didn't drop to the ground instead of running.  I explained that there were to many people there for people to drop because other people could step on them while they were trying to escape.   She knew that they should have gotten as low to the ground as they could get in order to survive.  She then wanted to know why they didn't seem to know this.  I had to tell her that most of the people who were there do not live in violence prone neighborhoods.  Aleara pondered that for a little while then asked. "Why not?" she looked at me puzzled. I explained to her that middle class people do not have shootings every day or most days.  She then looked at me and asked why it was like that in the hood.
"I can't go play with my friends in the back now because they were shooting there." I knew it was only a matter of time before Aleara started asking me the same thing my kids asked me back in the early days of the new Century and actually as far back as the early 90s.

Aleara knows what to do when shots are fired because she has to remember that.  She knows that if she forgets that she may die.  We do not need drills because our reality is that we have a lot of shots fired between the first and last warm days. A period of time I call the Killing Season. Little kids learn what to do when they are 3 and 4 because they go out without their parents to the back yard. 


Aleara is right people in Vegas should have ducked down but since he was so high up in the air I doubt it would have changed things in the least.  When shots are fired and its not a massive crowd then you should hit the ground and if necessary then play dead so that if he does come by you he doesn't shoot you again.  You should also listen for sounds but do not open you eyes until you see someone that you can trust.

My granddaughter wanted to know why someone wanted to just kill all those people and why did he do that?  She stuck to the known problems that will get you killed in the hood.  Drugs and gangs I told her no one knows why he shot those people. She got a little sad because she is her mother's child and is very tender hearted. 


I also want to know why people shoot people?  I want to know why our children have to know what to do to survive a shooting but with all the knuckle heads who cant deal with life wants to take as many people out with them as possible.

Different Worlds

On Monday I officially met my best friend Jennifer. I actually met her nine years ago in a Hillary Clinton forum. We became fast friends.

We faced many trials and tribulations together, even though we lived in different Cities. I live in Pittsburgh, PA and she lives in Rochester, NY.

I am a poor, uneducated woman from the Hood and she is a middle-class college professor.

In 2008 someone cut my gas line but no one could tell me who did it or why.
In January of 2009 my water was cut off. No one could tell me why. We lived an entire Winter without water or natural gas.

That Summer, faced with another cold winter, I called Child Protective Services on myself.

They found out why I had no gas lines and water. The houses that held my pipes were going to be torn down. The cost to put pipes in my house would reach $100,000. I couldn't afford that so I had to move.

On September 24, 2009 my teenage daughter and I would be going to a homeless shelter. I was terrified and I told Jen. We were terrified together.

The homeless shelter turned out to be a beautiful four bedroom apartment. Jen spent a sleepless night worried about me and I spent a sleepless night trying to adjust to a new place.

She decided she was going to get her PhD and began applying to schools. She got turned down by her first choice, which devastated her. I was heartbroken for my friend but didn't want her to give up. She applied to another school and got in. Together, we celebrated.

Together, we supported each other through Sarcoidosis and the loss of my spleen, loss of employment due to illness, a missing child, new employment. Jen did my resume on Messenger. My Sarcoidosis moved into Stage 4 and I had to quit my job. Jen had a seizure and then a brain tumor, which needed surgery. We supported each other through each struggle.

We also celebrated the birth of grandchildren, new jobs, and the graduation from high school of my youngest and her oldest child.

What makes us close is that we call each other out on our bull. We do not hold our tongue when the other is making a mistake or in trouble.

I've learned about middle class people and she learned about poor people.

Yes, we come from different worlds but more people should leave their comfort zone and talk to people who are different.